feint friends?...and grapevining across the library

I'll begin with a list of things I've been doing and/or feeling recently:
CRAVING COOKIES
dancing.
dancing.
dancing.
choreographing.
choreographing.
sad.
smily.
laughing.
angry.
confused.
horny.
embarassed.
embarassed.
goofy.
goofy.
goofy.
weird.
tired.
dissappointed.
dissappointed.
dissappointed.

I think someday I'm going to make a dance about short strange and/or enjoyable moments in time, like the following, for example:

that moment when...you're about to taste something sour on your tongue
that moment when...you climb in bed and settle into a comfortable position and groan a little
that moment when....your hair first gets wet in the shower.
that moment right before you're about to orgasm
that moment when...a hug gets really comfortable
that moment when...you both agree you're both really awkard
that moment when...everything is ok.
that moment when...you put on laundry right out of the dryer.
that moment when...a liquid hits your parched throat.

List to be continued...

I am missing the people I have lost and never see, and I'm missing the people I've lost and see all the time.

Echo's right. Krishnamurti helps.

Snow Caps and Dinner Table Nightmares

I'm having a Phantom Toll Booth day. See below:

11 30 PM (last night)--11 30 AM (today)-deep sleep with sad nightmares and dreams
11 30 AM- 1 PM (appx.)--had a thoughtful and intense phone conversation with a good friend
1 00 PM --2 30 PM-Dink's Bagels
2 30 PM--5 30 PM-deep sleep nap with sad nightmares and dreams

I've been awake today for a max total of 3 hours and 40 minutes, and I have a slight headache and a chocolate craving. I bought a huge box of Nestle Snow Caps, aka nonpareils, and am making my way through them, just in case you needed an update. Since I've had them in my posession and in my mouth, I can't stop thinking about Eve's friend's grandmother. The grandmother of Eve's former house mate INVENTED nonpareil candies!!! No joke. I just think its really great to think about the moment when Marjorie's grandmother had her candy epiphany. I personally like to imagine that one day she was making cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies at the same time, and on the counter the chocolate chips and the sprinkles were sitting right next to each other, and the idea just dawned on her and she hopped and skipped with glee...

It's strange because I had a dream about Snow Caps in a different sense. I had a dream that I was alone in my parents house in Santa Fe, and suddenly a huge snow storm happened, and all the clouds were black and shimmery and moving really fast. I was walking around my house looking out all of the windows,watching the storm hit. The coolest part of the storm were these snow bombs that came down. I could see them in the distance falling to the tops of mountains. They were sort of tear shaped balls of snow that fell at high speeds and exploded on to the mountains, and one bomb completely covered the mountain in snow. It was really beautiful, but also really loud in the dream. When I woke up it reminded me of those scenes in Spaceballs when they vacuum all of the trees and snow off the mountains and then flush them all back out on to the hills. So yeah, there's that. Right there. I'm going to drink some water and hopefully stay awake for the remainder of the day. Yeeeeeeeeeeahh...

here i am again

...in the world of blogs. After a long break from my late highschool/first year of college melodrama live journal, and a disinterest in myspace blogs, I'm back in this electronic pseudo diary world....a lot happier, and maybe slightly less boring.

Top 5 reason for getting a blog:

1) i miss writing--going to art school for dance has wiped out my time and energy for creative writing, and most of the writing classes offered at school conflict my schedule.
2) i express myself much better in writing than speaking
3) i enjoy reading other people's blogs
4) i like when other people read my writing. actual diary's feel too personal sometimes. plus blogs help with my whole--"people should open up and make themselves vulnerable to the world." if people can't handle my emotions, thoughts, quirks, brutal honesty etc, (all in all)fuck 'em, ya know? hiding is worthless 99 percent of the time (at least for me)
5) my mind races all the time and need a place to vent that isn't directed at a single person. also, it calms my head to write.

I signed up for a class today called "the word as sound and image", and the teacher asked me if i thought i was "pretty technologically savvy", and I stuttered and made awkward noises, and he said "do you know what a blog is?". I said "yes" obviously, and he let me in his class. i found it slightly funny. not haha funny. some other kind of funny.

I was upset a few days ago, and thought this: "I can't be a dancer because I notice couples with matching umbrellas". Still don't really know why this occurred in my brain, and how dance and umbrellas correlate, but I do know the story of the umbrellas:

I was driving down a street in Santa Fe, when I noticed a pedestrian couple with matching umbrellas and i thought "gee, i really hope i'm not the type of girl that would get into a relationship that involved owning matching umbrellas" Then I wondered. "Did she buy one for herself and one for him because it was cute? Was it a christmas present from her grandparents? Were they on sale? Did they come in a two pack?" I guess I feel like most drivers probably wouldn't have thought about it twice, and I thought about it a lot for being something pretty trivial to my existence. I think to much to a dancer is probably why dance and umbrellas came together, but i'm still going to try to harness it and dance. So yeah. There's that.

On the whole umbrella gig, I was at a party over break and they had those little tiny parasols for cocktails, and i noticed that everybody calls them "umbrellas" which are for the rain and parasols are for the sun (direct translation actually). Who drinks cold, fruity cocktails on rainy days? God, people. Get it together. Just Joking. The problem with blogs is that my tone of voice doesn't come through. I can't figure out a good ending for this blog, but it's going to end anyway.